I Lost You To The City Crowds
Vyolet Ashley


Persona boy
Your mask was slipping
When we met.
Everything was new to me
And you were the black and white
Filter I needed to keep calm.
 
We dragged each other out of dark caverns
On summer days and in the winter
I’d fall asleep on your shoulder.
You always shook me off,
But I got the feeling you didn’t want to.
 
We never gave what we were a label
But you loved me in the thick of it all,
And believe me, I loved you too.
 
You always worried about whether you
deserved me or not
And I worried about the times you couldn’t
Admit you had feelings
But I didn’t care
As long as you stayed,
And you did.
 
You stayed as our legs grew
And I grew out of overalls
And into sweater vests,
Somewhere along the way
You ditched your letterman for a scarf
“It’s getting colder,” you said,
“I need something different.”
 
It wasn’t long before I realized
What you needed was me,
It was a cold day so unlike
the summer that changed our lives
when you tried to prescribe us a label
with a numb tongue
And I ducked my head and laughed it off
saying,
“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
You never looked at me the same.
 
A year later a friend will ask a question
 
and I will look at you when I answer;
“We’re not good at talking about our feelings.”
And I’ll brush my arm against yours,
sitting on a couch with my feet on the coffee table
but it will still be different
because I’m not there anymore,
not like I used to be
 
I need you to remember
what people used to say
about actions speaking
louder than words,
because according to mine
I’ve loved you always,
from the stone ages
to a galaxy far, far away
even though I can never
quite get myself to say it.
 
I need you to remember that.


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